Indeed, life actually goes on. My Mother took care of one my brothers, who head a brain hemorrhage a few years ago. His life is about to change enormously once again. During the hospitalisation of my Mother (and the weeks afterwards) one my sisters and the fore mentioned brother stayed with me in my home. It was a big comfort, for me but for them as well, I guess. We spook and cried and spook some more. Then the practical things started to dominate my brain activity: funeral, clear out her house, papers, bills permits etc etc.
I had time to mourn for 24 hours after her death.
As if this was the logical course of action, I took control of the entire ordeal.
Although I have many (half)brothers and (half)sisters, the oldest ones (stepbrother and stepsister) didn't want any contact with their Mom during the last 20-30 years of her life. I decided there and then that I will grand their wishes by excluding them from the funeral completely. I never informed them about Moms death nor about when and where the funeral was (though other family members informed them anyway, unofficially).
As if this was the logical course of action, I took control of the entire ordeal.
Although I have many (half)brothers and (half)sisters, the oldest ones (stepbrother and stepsister) didn't want any contact with their Mom during the last 20-30 years of her life. I decided there and then that I will grand their wishes by excluding them from the funeral completely. I never informed them about Moms death nor about when and where the funeral was (though other family members informed them anyway, unofficially).
The funeral it self was attended by much more people then I counted on, I am sure my Mom had a faint-proud-smile around her mouth when she looked down from heaven.
It was an intimate assembly when her 5 attending children closed the casket after saying goodbye to her face for the very last time, touching her skin one more time.
Her children rolled her casket on some kind of trolley to the place where she actually will be buried and put the casket on the elevator above the hole in the ground.
At first I was very reluctant to this idea. Now I am "happy" we did it this way.
The last walk was really my last-walk-with-my-Mom, which she liked so much when she was a life. I felt a steady flow of tears pouring from my eyes. "You hear, Mom, the birds sing specially for you" my sister cried softly to our Mom laying between us in her cold-wooden-box on the trolley. My throat was to thick to let me swallow, her last living words keep sounding in my head: "Lets close the curtain for the knight. Is cat inside?" She kept on taking care of others even with her dying breath. Behind us was a big group grandchildren, husbands, wife's, friends, girlfriends. (Even my ex-boyfriend was there). The funeral people walked in front of us but much faster it seemed. I didn't want to go fast, I wanted to prolong our last walk. I didn't want let go of the last physical remain of my Mom. I even froze completely when I saw the pile of soil laying next to big hole they dug for my Mom's casket. If there was any deluding going on in my brain regarding my Mom's death, the reality was in front of my eyes. She will be buried forever underneath this mountain of black-earth.
After putting the casket on the elevator we made a circle around Mom. I seem to have mumbled something (I forgot what, if any). Other spook some words too. When I thought everybody had done their saying, I nodded to the burial people, and the casket started to descend.
Symbolically I threw some soil in Mom's last resting place.
Goodbye my dearest beautiful Mom, I will remember you and your life-stories always.
When we meet again I will make sure I will have lots of stories as well.
(But in the meantime I will miss you so much..)
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